The word sorry

I really want to apologise sometimes. Even though I really mean it does not seem to hold much strength. I do not say things and repeat things purposely, it just comes natural to me. Sometimes when you have something aching in your heart you would want to say it in a generous way but not slam directly on the table. By joking you can bring a message forward but I have a tendency of repeating once my brain registers that it has not been understood by the other that whatever they have done did not make me happy. This stupid sensitivity of mine is gradually taking over my thoughts and even though I do not want to be this soft, it is really hard. I'm truly sorry...